this pretty planet, wine, and john prine...

i recently found two old tapes my daddy had made for me when i was a young girl, filled with some really great folk songs... (not as young as i am in this picture, but still, i was fairly young....)

(this picture was taken one year at clark's trading post...i was maybe around 8 or 9 i guess in this shot...)

i was listening to the tapes the other morning on the way to work, and one of the songs that's really been sticking with me is one that was done as a round song, and i figured i'd share the lyrics here...

This pretty planet, spinning through space,
you're a garden, you're a harbor, you're a holy place.
Golden sun going down,
gentle blue giant, spin us around.
All though the night,
safe 'til the morning light.

....

another one of the songs on that tape was a john prine song (who was featured on american roots tonight on new hampshire public radio) ... the song tht i have on one of my tapes is "linda's gone to mars" ... that's such a fun song!...

....

i really think i must get my taste in music from my dad....you know, i really miss him...the older i get, the more i wish he was still here...and the more i apprecaite that my mom is here....

....

tonight mom and i went to a wine tasting and glass jewelery open house thing, and i bought two pendants...i'll have to take a picture of them and post them on here one of these days...

....

oh, i finally figured out why blogger loads so much faster than myspace or xanga -- because blogger doesn't have all thos different emoticons, which is just fine with me!...sometimes simple is better...

....


anyhow, i'm tired, it's been a long (but enjoyable!) day...i'm off to bed...

have a happy sunday, everyone!

-ramona anne

how i woke up today: naturally, and it felt great!!....

one good thing that happened: going to do something fun, exciting, and different with my mom....and then hearing amerian roots on the radio...also, i had a male monarch hatch today...(and i had two that hatched yesterday -- both female...)

ah this rain seems to last and last...

ah, this rain seems to last and last...heavy heart yearning grey sky, overcast...(bill mallonee)

strange how hard it rains now, rows and rows of big dark clouds...(patty griffin)

as the rain rolled down the back of my neck, i delivered the news of death and sex...rhodesia, speck, and malcom x...when i was a paper boy.... (david francey)

rain, rain on my face...hasn't stopped raning for days... (jars of clay)

.......

can you guess what today's weather was?...that's right, it rained...all day...it was grey and dark and miserable all day...and cold and windy....

i went to pick up the kids from school and i had an umbrella and the wind blew it inside out...no joke...

thankfully the boys get out at different times -- 2:30 for the little one and 2:45 for the older one...the little one is almost 6 (will be sometime in november, i believe...) so i had him sit and wait in the car while i ran and got his brother, who is six now and will be seven in feburary....

it was miserable to be outside today, i am so glad that the oldest one's soccer practice got cancelled...even if it had been a "go" i might have taken him home regardless, because it was just so cold and miserable...

...

after i got off work today i came home and just kind of relaxed a bit...then mom & i had a delicious spaghetti supper (we hadn't had that in a long time!)....and we really didn't do too much...

tomorrow i have to buckle down and get the reading done for my addictions & family dynamics class...there's a paper due monday on the book we've been reading, and i'm only on chapter two...this is not good...

it's dry reading -- very technical stuff and a lot of psychological terminology....i have to read things a few times sometimes to fully process what it's saying...and i'm someone who reads (and writes!) a lot, so this has been a stretch for me...

....

anyhow, i'm rather tired (i've had a long and somewhat rough week...) .... so i'm probably going to call it a day...

....


how i woke up this morning: carrie newcomer cd in the alarm clock cd player....i hit snooze twice...

one good thing that happened today: after the boys and i got back to their house after school today, we read a couple of books and we also had a tickle war...it was awesome to hear the boys laugh as much as they did...

one not-so-good thing: i told the boys' mom that i would have to find another job soon...(and i really do have to) .... it's hard, because i love those boys so much and i feel like i've been a big part of their lives....but i have more expenses than are being covered by this job, unfortunately...so i need to find something where i'll be earning enough to cover said expenses...and maybe have a little left over once in a while....

.....

tomorrow i'll be spending most of my day reading...as well as sunday...

and then sunday i'll be writing that paper!!....

have a great weekend everyone...

-ramona anne

my handsome little man...

isn't this an awesome toddler picture?...and a great picture to celebrate summer or fall?....

this extremely adorable little man is my nephew aidan, who lives up in alaska, and who i haven't seen in over a year...

i am so thankful for digital cameras and the internet so i can at least see pictures of him now and then...

he absolutely loves to "help" his dad (my brother) with yard work, and he also loves to get rides in the wheelbarrow, as you can probably tell from this picture...

i do miss aidan & his sister and his mom & dad...i really hope they'll get to come visit either at Christmas time or next summer...

...

i really don't feel like i've got all that much to write today, and i'm actually very, very tired...

i'm going to have some supper and then get to bed, i think....

....

one good thing that happened today: i saw an amazing sunset with pink, red, and orange clouds on my way home from work...i stopped at a little pull off and watched and snapped some pictures with my digital camera, and while i was admiring it, someone else pulled over to enjoy the view...it happened to be a neighbour of mine whom i hadn't seen in a while, so we got to catch up on things a little bit...

also, i saw a friend of mine today who i haven't seen in a while -- since spring...so that was nice, too...

this has been the week for running into old friends, i think...

....

i'm glad tomorrow's friday...i really a weekend....

better days...

better days...

today was quite a bit better than yesterday was, despite the fact that i only got about 3 & 1/2 hours of sleep last night (give or take...)

...

i had some time this afternoon before i had to take mom's van in to have the tire looked at (it was making a funny/strange noise and it turned out to be the wheel -- it was bent a little...so we need a new wheel for it...) anyways, they just moved that one from the front to the back and they didn't charge for what they did today, which was so, so, so incredibly awesome!...they're a garage that specalizes in tires...

anyways, on my way up i stopped at the irving's on glen ave and i ran into an old friend who i haven't seen in probably 6 months or more...we talked for a while and played catch up and it was just so good to talk to her...

after my appointment i went and got the kids i babysit from school and let them play at the park for a while, then we went home (well, to their house) and shortly after we got there, so did their mom, so i went home and then got ready to go to home fellowship group...we had dinner there tonight and that was nice...

in between getting home from work and leaving for homegroup, i checked some email and i had an incredibly encouraging email from a friend of mine...of course, i had emailed her at like, 4:30 this morning, and shared a lot of things that were going on in my life right now with her, and she really had some good advice...she knows who she is, and if she's reading this, i hope she knows how much i truly appreciate her...

....

also today i finally got some letters mailed...i got a card out to my cousin brenda in maine and a postcard out to some friends here in berlin, but who i wanted to send a postcard to because of what the postcard was of, so that was nice....

i think i got a few other little things done today, too, but i can't seem to recall them right now...

anyhow, i am rather tired, so i'm going to call it a day...

i'm glad it's almost the weekend...i could use some extra sleep...but then, with all the homework i've got, i'm not really sure how much i'll be able to sleep in or anything...i guess time will tell...

....

have a great day, everyone!!...

-ramona anne

today was rough...

how i woke up this morning: tired and groggy and not as happy as i could be

one good thing that happened today: i made it through the day

yes, it was a rough day today...a VERY rough day...maybe i'll share a bit more on that later this week...

also, i had a weird dream early monday morning before i woke up...which i started blogging about monday (yesterday) but never finished...i'll try and complete that post sometime this week and put it out there for you lovely folks to see...

....

yesterday my blood pressure was 150/100...not good...not good at all...

i've been under insane ammounts of pressure from all sides lately...this semester in school is much tougher than i thought it was going to be....my mom and i are getting into more fights because i'm more stressed and more irritable....that's causing issues for me at work...and beause of that, i come home and dump back on my mom...it's a terrible, horrible vicious cycle...

...

i'm tired...i need sleep...

i have strange dreams...

i have strange dreams...i've known this for a while, but this morning i had probably the strangest dream of all time...it started off at 8:30 in the morning on a sunday....my mom and i were getting ready for church...the phone rings and it's my friend sara, who wouldn't normally be awake so early....so we're talking a little bit and then i let her go and tell her i'll call her later...

while i was going to hang up with her, i saw someone outside on the cement steps...i opened the house door and spoke to him a little bit...he quickly came on the porch and he had his hands in some sort of inside pants pocket...he pulled out this little block type thing and claimed to be selling insurance of some sort for the house...i said "well, i'm not interested, but thanks anyways..." and the guy was really insistent...finally i closed and locked the door and told him it wasn't even my house, and that he needed to leave or i'd call the cops...the guy got off the porch but wouldn't leave...finally he left but only after coming back onto the porch a few different times...i did call the cops because i was afraid....

so, the cops come to me house and both are berlin cops, and both are cops that i know -- one is from my church and another is someone i know from when i was in the DARE program at school, and i've just known him like, ever since...

so, i tell them what happened and they look around on the porch a little and find these small explosive devices, which they throw outside because they realized they were about to go off…when they went off, they had three rounds of explosives inside – almost like some kind of a firework…

before the cops had left, and before they found the explosives, my mom had been picked up by some people in a pick up truck who I had phone to come get her and bring her somewhere safe…

I gave her a hug and a kiss and told her I loved her very much, and I would see her again when I could…the cops said that was the best way to handle the situation….

after the cops left, I went to go somewhere, I think maybe my own church service, I guess…but before I could get there, I was kidnapped by the guys who had planted the explosives on my porch…they were really pissed that I was still alive, apparently…
they had me and some other people that they kidnapped and they took us to this weird place, and it was mostly surrounded by water…

(I guess when you make explosives you need a place with lots of water around…)

anyways, they had us there for a while, and the next morning one of the people I was with on the phone…she seemed to be having some freedom, as did the rest of us…so we took advantage of some of the freedoms and started planning how we might escape and who might help us get out of the situation…

I also used the phone to call the lady I babysit for and tell her that I had been kidnapped, but that so far I was safe…I told her briefly of my surroundings and whereabouts, and also told her not to worry, that I’d get myself out of the situation somehow…and I asked her to call my mom to let her know I was okay and that I loved her, and I’d see her again real soon…

After a while, the kidnappers realized that the other girls and I were plotting an escape, and they separated us, but we all had cell phones and the kidnappers gave us fifteen minutes each day of unsupervised time on the cell phones…plus they also would let us use the restroom by ourselves…

I came up with a plan pretty quickly – I had been quiet up to that point and hadn’t spoken much at all, except the conversations I’d had with the guy at my house the morning before, but even that was a very short conversation…

So, because they didn’t really know that much about me, I pretended to have some severe learning disabilities and mental slowness…I quickly charmed my kidnappers and earned their trust – they didn’t see me as a threat or anything…in fact, they quickly used my “slowness” to their advantage and started using me to do things for them, and I got some extra freedoms….i very quickly learned the layout of the whole building, as well as that of the island type thing we were on, and made some maps, just in case I ever had a chance to meet with someone who might rescue me, I could give them a map of the place…

About a week after I was taken, my maps came in handy…I had noticed someone come in on the island that they hadn’t seen…it was my brother, who I knew had come to rescue me and the other girls who were still being held…

I ended up going out on the porch area and I pretended to use the bathroom, but what I actually did was opened the register grids and got my brother’s attention…we spoke very, very briefly, and I told him I’d get him a map of the island and a layout of the building, and also a gun if I could manage it, and the keys to some of the places to get things he would need…

So I went inside and caused a bit of a distraction somehow, and quickly gathered what my brother would need, and then said “oh, I forgot to flush!” and went out and gave the things to my brother ray, and told him to rescue the others first, and that so far, I was doing okay, and they were using me to do things for them, and that I thought these guys were part of a much bigger operation, and I wanted to try and uncover it…

So, we wished each other good luck and we parted ways…I told him to look after mom and let her know I was safe and okay, and that I loved her….

After I went back inside, the men asked me if I’d heard anyone talking, or if I’d been talking to anyone…I said “no, but the furnace grids were loose, and I was trying to fix them, and maybe I talked to someone while I was doing that, but I don’t know?…”

I would sometimes talk to myself and make nonsense conversations in front of the men, and they just thought I was schizophrenic or something, and so this wasn’t really anything they were alarmed by…they just figured I was having another episode, and let it go at that…

These men were absolutely convinced that I was 100% on their side, and they trusted me with a lot of things now….

I knew exactly where they all would be and when, and what they were doing, and because of that I was able to head them off on this particular day and I offered to do some of the things for them, so they wouldn’t see my brother, and so that I could have contact with him to see how he was doing on his mission…

He was successful in doing what he had needed to do, and I told him how to get to where he needed to be to get off the island without being seen….he gave me a few things that I might want and need for my new mission, and we parted ways…I was glad to see the girls on their way to safety, but I was also sad I couldn’t go with them…by now, I was the primary caretaker of the other girls, too, the men didn’t like to bother with all the things they needed…I knew it would be a few days probably before the men realized the girls were gone, which would give them time to get to a safe place of their own…

A couple of days went by and the men decided we were going to leave the island and move to a bigger area…

I said that we couldn’t leave right away, because there was something happening and I needed to stay for a few days with the girls, and told them to go ahead and leave, I’d look after the girls, and then they could come back and get me a few days later…miracle of miracles, they went along with this plan, so they didn’t find out that the girls were missing…

They left, and I started making some new plans…of course the girls were safe by now, and my brother was working on things from his end with information I had given him and things the girls told him…

I had to come up with some kind of a new and believable plan to make the guys think the girls were dead, so that I wouldn’t get killed for letting them go, and so that they wouldn’t go after them and kill them…I did some quick thinking and took some of their clothes (they had left some there, just in case I needed them for anything…) and rolled them around in the mud and made it look like there had been a struggle of some sort… then I caught a few birds and took their blood and spattered that on the clothes…then the next day, I dug a few false graves and made some makeshift grave markers….i then took the clothes back to the place I had been staying, because I knew the guys would be coming back soon…

By now, I’ve had a lot of time to think and process everything that has been happening, and I started to weep….i wept and wept, and then the guys came back to get me…it looked, of course, like I had been crying because the girls had been killed…the men bought it, knowing that I was close to the girls, and knowing, also that I was a sensitive soul….

They didn’t even question why I still had their dirty bloodied clothes, which seemed odd to me, but I just went along with it…

Well, we get to the new place, and it turned out to be like a department store warehouse type of place…like a huge sam’s club type of thing, only different…I am looking around at my new “home” and there are a lot of refugees who I could tell had been kidnapped as well, and who all looked terrible….one of them came over to me and said “I’ve seen your kind before…you’re all new and clean and fresh…but soon you won’t be anymore…you’ll look just like all of us…so don’t think you’re any better than us, because you aren’t…” then she just walked off…I knew and understood that you’re not supposed to talk to each other, so I didn’t even try to give her any sort of response…

Later I ended up going with the men again, because they decided I knew too much to be on the floor, as they called it…I was too aware of the workings and while they trusted me on the island, being here was different…there were more people, and I just knew too much…besides, they did like me, I had proven a good and submissive worker, and they knew I knew my stuff…they wanted to put me in charge of some new thing they were doing…I let them, of course…

Well, I’m there for a while, and I ended up making friends with a few of the “fringe” people…these were people who drove the delivery trucks, people who would bring in supplies…the janitorial crew, and folks like that…I ended up making really good friends with the guy who was in charge of running the hoses….

Well, some stuff is going on, and of course, I’m learning more and more about this operation and then before i know it, I’ve gotten to a point where I’ve gained a lot of respect from everyone…

Well, one day I see the hose operator from the janitorial crew, and he starts putting this weird hose type thing together…

It turned out to be a huge network of hoses and he said it was for the escape project….he told me that in a couple of days, he would have a truck here and that I needed to get the people ready to escape…

I decide I wanted to have a meeting of all the refugee floor workers…I had told the bosses that I didn’t like their performance, and that I wanted to have some meetings and that I think they could be more productive if they were trained in a new way…the guys, of course, believed me, and let me have these meetings and let me train the refugees…

Of course, I was training them and preparing them for their big escape…

The big day comes, and they’re all so ready and so excited…

My hose operator brings up a truck and ironically enough, on the side of the truck it says “vote for Linda La Fianza” in blue lettering which looked like a very bad custom job…

It reminded me that Linda was, somehow, stuck with all of the other refuges there…the hose operator and I are helping to get everyone out and in the trucks…I am re-united with linda – she is one of the last ones to leave, not wanting any of her friends left behind…

The truck was too full to take us, so we decided to stay and try to help the hose operator…he told us it was too dangerous, and that we would have to flee the scene…almost as soon as he said that, the big men bosses were coming out of the building…they were angry and screaming and vowing to kill me….they had figured out that I was playing them all along…

I looked at Linda and said “get out of here…NOW!…” and she said “no, I won’t leave you behind…” and I said “fine…then we’ll go…” and we started running off…

By now, the hose guy had turned on the water and these men were blown away by the force and pressure of the water coming from the hoses….sirens were going off everywhere, and police, fire, and ambulance workers were surrounding the building, as well as bomb squads and SWAT teams…the hose man, Linda, and I went and talked to the police chief, and again, I had a layout and map of the building, and so I gave it o them and told them all about what was happening…

That’s about when I woke up….

But, yeah…I have strange dreams…

ahhh...sunday....

i absolutely love sunday afternoons...i come home from church and i can just rest and relax, and not have to do to much...today was a very good sunday -- my neighbour spoke on what it's like to live with a terminal illness (she's had cancer off and on for years and years...) ... and my mom actually came to church with me...this is very big news, indeed!...she has been coming in and having lunch with me after church, but today she was there for the whole thing, and it was just awesome!!....

....

today, it's not sure what it wants to do outside...it's warm, which is good...and right now it's sunny and windy....the leaves are swirling around on the breeze and every so often flashes of reds, yellows, browns, and oranges will zip by the window...the sunlight catches on them and it's absolutely stunning...

however, we've also been experiencing scattered showers today...but they never last very long or anything, so that's good...

.....

right now i'm listening to some great folk music (david francey...of course...) ... and writing in my blog...i'm debating putting on some water for a nice hot cup of tea...the only thing is, we're about empty of honey here at the house (i must pick some up tomorrow!!) so i'll probably go with a sweeter tea like the vanilla or the peach, as opposed to the earl grey....

....

i'll be doing some homework shortly...i just have to write two jounral entries for my academic journal, but one of them is sort of already done, thanks to a conversation i had with my cousin steve last night on an instant messenger....i'm mostly going to take parts of our conversation, the ones that relate to things we've been talking about in my class, and use that as an entry, because it will be acceptable, i'm sure...

my teacher said we could write about anything we wanted to, really, as long as it was revelant to class, and the conversation i had with my cousin fits in with things we've already discussed...

i got both of my reports done yesterday -- i did one on the DARE program and one on amphetamines....i learned a lot from both, of course...

anyways, it's such a beautiful day out, i think i'm going to go out and enjoy some of this gorgeous day...

it's back to work tomorrow, and back to my normal routine....i really think i'm ready for a change, though....

have a blessed sabbath, everyone...

-ramona anne

how i woke up this morning: carrie newcomer cd in my alarm clock cd player...i hit snooze a few times, though...

one good thing that happened to me: my mom came to church with me....also, a one year old boy at church snuggled with me when i picked him up and then when i set him down he looked right up at me and held his arms up and out towards me again, wanting to be picked up again...of course, i did...but, that made me feel really good...i love that little guy...also, he saw me again later after the service and his mom was holding him (and he's a mama's boy -- big time!...) but he saw me and shot his arms right out and was squealing, wanting to come see me yet again...children are such a gift and a blessing...i really don't know what i'd do without all of the children that are in my life...i yearn for the day when i can have my own....