i should be sleeping...

....but i'm not....

i don't have to be up for another half an hour to get my day going...and yet, here i am, at 6:00 in the morning...tired but unable to sleep...

...

it was like that last night, too...i went to bed and i must have laid in bed for a good two hours, not able to sleep...as it is, i'm going to go into work and i'll be absolutely dragging today...oh, well...the kids are really good that i take care of, and i think it should be a fairly easy day...(i hope!) ...

....

i am not doing as well as i could be or should be...

despite the fact that i have somehow managed to get a 3.7 GPA up to this point, and i should get A's in both of my classes this term...and that some people i've told say they're all really proud of me, i still feel...off...

sometimes it just feels like no matter how well i'm doing academically, i can't shake the feeling that there's something wrong or something missing...i have hurts that i know still need to be healed...

i guess i thought that going to school would help or fix some of those things in me -- the low self esteem and the way i see myself and all of that....and maybe to a certain extent, it has helped...but, i know that there are still some things that i need to be healed from....i just hope it can happen soon....

....

i guess i should probably get going....it's almost 6:30 and i want to get things together so i can get in the tub and get ready to go in to work....

i absolutely adore the kids i'm taking care of right now...they are 18 months (a little girl) and almost four (her big brother) .... they are absolutely wonderful kids and i really, really enjoy them a lot...they seem to like me an awful lot, too...

have a beautiful day, everyone...
-ramona anne

a bit of an update...

wow, i'm so bad lately about updating...i've just been busy with other things....first of all, i know some of you are curious about the job at head start...i heard back from them one week ago, and they told me they didn't need me...oh, well...i'm still keeping a few mornings a week for someone in town, and that's a nice job for now...

i've been busy, busy with my final project for my experiencing the arts class and also doing homework for my addictions & family dynamics class...

i've also been going to home group on wednesdays, although i've been late the last two weeks -- like, really late...but it's okay, because things are starting to finally settle down, and that's good...

i registered for next term ... i'm going to be taking intro. to drawing which should be fun...and a class called men & women in cross cultural perspectives...that class should be interesting...

i'm half thinking of swapping the art class for something else, but i'm not 100% sure...i should know after this weekend, when i can talk face to face with my advisor (who is teaching my weekend long experiencing the arts class...) ...

if i can get my concentration credits all squeezed in this winter and spring, i would be able to graduate in June...and, my aunt also would be graduating at the same time...so i think i might like to try to do that...because i think it would be very cool and very special to graduate with her....

....

anyhow...that's about all for now...

i'm working tomorrow, so i should sign off and get myself to bed....

happy week to all,
-ramona anne