i should be sleeping...

....but i'm not....

i don't have to be up for another half an hour to get my day going...and yet, here i am, at 6:00 in the morning...tired but unable to sleep...

...

it was like that last night, too...i went to bed and i must have laid in bed for a good two hours, not able to sleep...as it is, i'm going to go into work and i'll be absolutely dragging today...oh, well...the kids are really good that i take care of, and i think it should be a fairly easy day...(i hope!) ...

....

i am not doing as well as i could be or should be...

despite the fact that i have somehow managed to get a 3.7 GPA up to this point, and i should get A's in both of my classes this term...and that some people i've told say they're all really proud of me, i still feel...off...

sometimes it just feels like no matter how well i'm doing academically, i can't shake the feeling that there's something wrong or something missing...i have hurts that i know still need to be healed...

i guess i thought that going to school would help or fix some of those things in me -- the low self esteem and the way i see myself and all of that....and maybe to a certain extent, it has helped...but, i know that there are still some things that i need to be healed from....i just hope it can happen soon....

....

i guess i should probably get going....it's almost 6:30 and i want to get things together so i can get in the tub and get ready to go in to work....

i absolutely adore the kids i'm taking care of right now...they are 18 months (a little girl) and almost four (her big brother) .... they are absolutely wonderful kids and i really, really enjoy them a lot...they seem to like me an awful lot, too...

have a beautiful day, everyone...
-ramona anne