Some Tough Questions

I have been thinking about Bobby's death a fair amount today, and thinking about his surgery and how it was suposed to help him live longer, but instead, it took his life.

I said to a few of my brothers "You know, he'd probably still be alive if he hadn't had the surgery."

And I was thinking about that a lot...And about how the Lord calls our lives to an end - or more specifically when He calls our lives to an end...

I know that our human/free will can over-ride the will of God...He will never force His will on us, we just have to chose to accept it or reject it...Or do the opposite...

Now I know the Lord isn't going to punish us that severely for disobedience, or for choosing our own will over His will for our lives...And half the time do we even really ask Him what His will is?...

But if the Lord does have all of our day numbered, and He knows when we sit, when we rise, and if He knows everything about us - when we are to be born and when we are to die...and if He has written our lives out for us...Then what happens if we try to re-write them?....

What if God didn't want Bobby to have the surgery?...(that is a possibility)...What if He had something else planned for Bobby, and Bobby just thought the surgery was the best option, but God knew better and God had more days planned for Bobby to live, but because of Bobby's choice, and the complications during and then afer surgery, Bobby lost his life?...

Does God re-write our days if we chose a different plan than what He has for us?...Does this re-write sometimes cause a decrease (or maybe an increase?) in those number of days?...

Let's say that Bobby didn't have the surgery, what would have happened?...Would he have died some other way, at the same time, or would he have lived another 10 years?...

The only one who knows that is God, I understand...However, these are just some of the questions that are running through my mind...

For whatever it's worth...

-Ramona Anne

Too Many Losses...

I am so sick of people dying...Last weekend my nephew's fatehr-in-law died...I didn't go to the services, I just didn't have it in me...Over the weekend, my mom's cousin, Bobby Bill, who I was fairly close to, died of what we presume are complications following a rather uncommon 7-bypass heart surgery...

Now, two deaths isn't necessarily a terrible thing...However...On Dec. 31st a very, very good friend of mine lost her 16 year battle with cancer...About a week & a half later her son & his wife lost their baby...Not long after that my Uncle John died...While I was out of town for uncle John's services, my "next door" neighbour emailed me to tell me her grandmother had died...I got home from Enfield and turned around and went to the evening calling hours for Mertie, and the funeral the next morning...Things calmed down for oh, about a week...Then my daddy's brother, uncle Don, died...and then on Feb. 14th my mom's cousin Moses "Billy" Bill died...Six deaths in as many weeks...and now there are these other two...Oh, also, my Aunt Regina's mother in law, Gladys passed away a couple of weeks ago as well...I forgot about that one...So really, that's nine deaths since the beginning of the year...I've only made calling hours and memorial services for four of them, although I plan on going down for Bobby's services...

I missed Billy's which really was difficult for me...My mom's cousins (and her siblings) are awesome and they are all very, very close...Losing Billy and Bobby are like losing Aunts & Uncles, really...I used to dance with Billy at the family reunions, and he always could get me laughing till my belly hurt...Bobby used to make some of the best desserts and bring those to family reunions and family gatherings that my aunt would have at her house...It's not like just because they were my mom's cousins, they were strangers to me...They're my family, and while we might have only seen each other a few times a year, we were close...

So, yeah...I'm having a hard time handling all of these deaths, and I'm hoping that things will settle down and get a bit brighter in my life soon...

Of course, there will be a new addition to the family later this month...Ray & Kelly (bro. & sis-in-law) are expecting their first little blessing on the 23rd...Incidentally, that's Ray's birthday, too...That will be a good thing...

Thanks for reading,
-Ramona Anne